RanGen 12
by RockSunner
Summary: Alternate history: Ranma and Genma are crosscursed. Now up to chapter 5.
1. Contest in China

RanGen 1/2, Part 1  
  
After seeing the excellent alternate history stories of Elseworld  
and the Altered Destinies series, I was tempted to write one of my own.  
  
This alternate history could arise from an alternate wish. What if  
Shampoo had said, instead of "Shampoo wish Mousse was not in love with  
her," this: "Shampoo wish she had chance to make Ranma fall in love  
with her before he met Akane!"?  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A young man, his father, and a Chinese guide walked through the rugged  
hills near the white sacred mountain.  
  
"I'm sooo hungry!" the young man, Ranma, complained.  
  
"Me tooo!" growled the older man, Genma.  
  
"Now Mr. Customers, we come to Joketsuzoku," said the impassive guide.  
As usual, he produced from nowhere a hand-lettered sign with the Chinese  
name 'Joketsuzoku'.  
  
"Joketsuzoku? Is that somethin' to eat?" asked the younger one.  
  
"Is village of warrior womans. Today they have big tournament, much  
interesting."  
  
"Right now, I'm only interested in food," said Ranma.  
  
"Stop complaining, boy," said Genma. "A true martial artist can tough  
it out. At least we were able to duck into that cave and keep out of  
the cloudburst this morning. We have a better chance of getting  
something to eat than if we went in as a girl and a panda."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Shampoo faced her final challenger of the day on the combat log  
suspended several feet from the ground by chains. It was a test of  
balance and the ability to keep one's feet when the lunges and blows  
of the two fighters set it swaying.  
  
Her opponent was Dowel, a tough-looking woman of 40 carrying a long  
spear with a spiked mace at the end, but Shampoo was confident of  
victory, knowing she had the edge in speed and even in raw strength.  
She dodged Dowel's initial blows, leapt over her head, and from behind  
dealt Dowel a smashing blow with a bonbori mace that sent her flying  
into the hills.  
  
Now for her prize, a special feast to share with whomever she chose.  
The other village women would come one by one and bow before her,  
begging for a taste. Winning was such fun.  
  
But what was this? Two foreign strangers were sitting at the table  
already, wolfing down her prize. In rage, she hurled one of the  
bonburi, smashing the table in half.  
  
"You men! Why are you stealing my prize?" she demanded in Chinese.  
  
"'You men! Why you steal my prize?', she say." translated the Guide.  
  
"I have the honor of winning the tournament today. You thieves have  
eaten what is mine."  
  
The Guide continued to translate.  
  
"So if I challenge you and win, there's no problem, right?" said the  
young man.  
  
"No. This is a tournament for women only. Thieves must be punished  
by 50 strokes with a bamboo rod on the hands and feet."  
  
The young man looked understandably upset. "Then I challenge you as  
one martial artist to another. If I win, will you drop the changes  
and let us have the food?"  
  
Shampoo smiled. The code required a single woman to accept the first  
challenge from any male outsider. It was well-understood in the village  
what such a challenge implied, but did the foreigner know? "Do you  
realize all that is mine will be yours if you should win?"  
  
The Guide, under pressure, translated: "She say, 'Do you know all will  
be yours if you win?'"  
  
"All right!" said the young man. His eager, hungry expression went  
straight to Shampoo's heart, which began to pound. A courtship  
challenge from a handsome young man! A perfect end to a successful day.  
  
As they faced each other on the suspended log, Shampoo experienced a  
tug of temptation. Could she possibly give him an opening or two  
without being shamed in front of the whole village? He seemed  
courageous and confident. His stance was flawless, his balance  
excellent. But somehow he seemed reluctant to make an all-out attack  
against her. A vagabond thief was not the ideal husband, but the idea  
was exciting...  
  
Her hesitation was enough. The young man snapped off a high kick  
through a gap in her guard, plunging her headlong off the log. As  
she fell, her expression of surprise turned to bliss.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The village cheered as Ranma's arm was lifted in victory. Here came  
the defeated champion. It seemed she wasn't a poor loser. She  
embraced him and gave him a long, intense kiss.  
  
"Woo da airen!"  
  
"She say, 'My beloved husband'", said the Guide.  
  
"Huh? What?" said Ranma.  
  
"In amazon village, have law that if defeated by outside man, must marry  
him. Always marry stronger, make whole tribe stronger. You one lucky  
fella, Mr. Customer."  
  
"Bu-but I ain't ready to get m-married. I don't even know her, or  
nothin'."  
  
"That's right, and my son and I have urgent business elsewhere," said  
Genma.  
  
From deep in the crowd, a long-haired young man with thick spectacles  
named Mousse shrieked out his despairing protest.  
  
Shampoo continued to cling to Ranma in a daze of happiness, past  
hearing any of this.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
In a series of mighty pogo-stick-like hops, a withered old crone came  
leaping over (and sometimes onto) the backs of the crowd. She landed  
squarely in front of Ranma.  
  
"Greetings, son-in-law! I am Cologne, and this is my great-  
granddaughter Shampoo, your bride."  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome, and this is my dad, Genma. But this must be some  
kinda mistake. I thought I was fighting to win food, not a wife."  
  
"You have won both. Prepare a wedding feast!" she called to the others.  
  
"But I don't want to get married!"  
  
"Heh-heh, sorry, sonny boy. Three thousand years of Chinese Amazon  
history say that you must. Is she not beautiful? How could you do  
better? Is there an obstacle? A woman in your life already?"  
  
"Uh, no. But we don't get married just like that where I come from.  
I don't know her, we don't even speak the same language."  
  
"Shampoo speak Japanese good!" said Shampoo, finally beginning to pay  
attention to the conversation.  
  
"That is right. Over the centuries, many martial artists from your  
country heard of the fame of Joketsuzoku and came to try to win strong  
wives who would bear them strong sons. A few succeeded, like you. The  
others..." she drew a finger across her neck. "So, all of us know  
Japanese to some degree. And you will soon learn Chinese, living here."  
  
"I'm starting to feel like I can't breathe."  
  
"Oh yes, the typical male desire for freedom. You'll get over it."  
  
"That, and Shampoo's hugging me too hard."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Mousse moved stealthily through the crowd.  
  
"Shampoo to belong to another? Never to be mine? I cannot bear it.  
Ranma Saotome, you must die!" he muttered under his breath as he checked  
the concealed daggers, chains, and poison darts in his voluminous  
sleeves. What weapon to use? Yes, that one. An ignominious weapon for  
an ignominious opponent. He would defeat the interloper and win Shampoo  
for himself.  
  
He moved closer, carefully trying to avoid the notice of Cologne. This  
would have to be settled with one quick strike. He leapt into the air,  
intending to smash his enemy's skull with a plastic training potty  
shaped like a swan.  
  
Ranma's martial arts training gave him almost a sixth sense. As he  
heard the whistling air of the leap and descent of Mousse, he raised  
one fist in a preemptive strike, smashing the potty and drenching  
himself, his father, and Shampoo in a liquid which was mostly cold  
water.  
  
"Stupid Mousse, leave Shampoo and husband alone!" said Shampoo, bashing  
Mousse on the head.  
  
Cologne handled the rest. Leaping up with her stick, she sent Mousse  
spinning high into the air. When she landed she looked puzzled.  
Shampoo was hugging a petite young woman. Standing beside her  
was a giant panda.  
  
"What is this? I see you are shape-changers. Tell me, is this your  
true form, or is the other? Much depends on your answer, so think  
carefully."  
  
Ranma almost opened her mouth to say that the woman's shape was her  
true form, but something in the old crone's look told her that would  
be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.  
  
"I'm really a guy. I got this stupid curse from falling into a pool  
at.."  
  
"Jusenkyo. Yes, I know that place well. In fact, I know how to  
get the curse reversed," said Cologne.  
  
"You do? I'd do anything to get this curse taken off!"  
  
"Then you will agree to marry Shampoo."  
  
"Hey, not that much of anything. That's committing my whole life. But  
I'll agree to get to know her better, go on dates and stuff. We can see  
what happens from there."  
  
"Hai-yah!" exclaimed Shampoo.  
  
"Platonic dates. OK, Shampoo?"  
  
"Uh-huh, uh-huh!", said Shampoo eagerly. She had no idea what he meant  
but it sounded like something exciting.  
  
"You must commit to date her for one year, unless of course you decide  
to get married before that."  
  
"One week."  
  
"Six months."  
  
"One month, that's my best offer. And you have to completely take the  
curse off both of us, for good. Not some trick or illusion. Agreed?"  
  
"Agreed," Then she added in rapid Chinese, "Shampoo, I'm sure you can  
seduce him in a month. He seems to be a man of honor. Once that  
happens, he'll feel committed to marry you."  
  
Then to the Guide, "Your services are no longer required. My great-  
granddaughter will conduct them to Jusenkyo herself, so that they will  
owe their cure to her alone."  



	2. The Curse Reversed?

RanGen 1/2, Part 2  
  
Ranma and Genma arrived at the Amazon village in their uncursed forms,  
and Ranma had to fight because he and his father ate the prize feast.  
Since Ranma has defeated Shampoo, Amazon law requires he marry her.  
They have negotiated with Cologne to get to Nannichiwan and reverse  
their curse.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ranma and Genma followed Shampoo as she smashed with her bonburi though  
underbrush and trees, anything and everything that got in the way.  
"Great grandmother tell me where to find place to get curse reversed.  
You get cure, then we start dates right away!"  
  
As they emerged from a narrow ravine, Ranma and Genma saw again the  
many pools with bamboo poles sticking out high above them.  
  
"Is this some kind of trick?" demanded Genma. "This is where we  
got cursed in the first place."  
  
"Also where curse reversed. There is man-drowned spring here. Legend  
say man drowned there 2500 year ago. Very tragic story. Now whoever  
fall in take form of man when cold water touch them. To you already  
cursed by other Jushenkyo pools it restore your original shapes so you no  
turn panda and girl when wet."  
  
Genma and Ranma started to rush ahead to the pools.  
  
"Wait. Great-grandma tell me which one. No try to find yourself. Many  
pools, some do much worse to you than turn panda or girl."  
  
She led them carefully around dozens of pools, finally coming to the other  
side from which they had trained.  
  
"Here Nannichiwan, pool of drowned man!"  
  
Genma and Ranma rushed for the pool.  
  
"Ain't gonna be a girl no more!" Ranma shouted.  
  
"No more bamboo for breakfast!" Genma shouted.  
  
"Wait! Great-grandma say, one at time!"  
  
They paid no attention to this, and both eagerly dived into the pool at  
once. There was a crackling sound like lightning, and then steam came  
off from the water, fogging the air for several yards around.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Mousse had been stalking them all day, keeping them in sight from the  
underbrush. "Ranma Saotome, this is the day you die!" he raved.  
By a miracle of caution he had avoiding falling into any pools so  
far. The fog would let him get closer, but it steamed his glasses,  
rendering him nearly as blind as he was without them.  
  
Ranma emerged from the water first.  
  
"Hai-yah! My darling Ranma is cured, now we date!" said Shampoo.  
  
"I understand your happiness, my dear young lady, but aren't you  
hugging the wrong person? Not that I mind, of course," said Ranma.  
  
"Ranma, you die!" Mousse yelled, charging with chains flying from his  
sleeves.  
  
"Ah, the young man with spectacles. Why are you attacking _me_? Excuse  
me Shampoo, I need my hands free from this." Ranma pushed Shampoo  
to one side and prepared to meet Mousse's charge. Ranma ducked the  
swinging chains, but Shampoo, still trying to grasp why Ranma was acting  
so strangely, was hit a glancing blow and fell back into Nannichiwan.  
Ranma seized a passing chain, and with a mighty pull sent Mousse  
flying into another pool close by.  
  
By now, Genma had come out of the pool on the other side and was trying  
to get dried off. "Hey, what's all the noise, pop?"  
  
He heard a splashing sound, and then the cries of an angry animal.  
Suddenly it came into view from the fog, a horrifying sight. It was a  
hissing long-haired black tom cat with spectacles.  
  
The person who looked like Genma appeared terrified. "A Ca-ca-ca-cat!  
Stay, stay away from me." He broke and ran, fortunately in a direction  
away from the pools.  
  
"Hey, who was that? That looked like me!" said the person who looked  
like Ranma. He looked down at himself, suddenly coming to a  
realization. "It _was_ me! Ranma, come back here with my body!"  
He ran after the other man.  
  
With a gasp, a very cute young man with violet hair broke the surface  
of Nannichiwan.  
  
"Come back, Ranma! You promise to date Shampoo!"  
  
He started to run after the two men, but the black cat leapt onto his  
back, trying to stop him. It began fighting, hissing, and scratching.  
Shampoo won easily, but it was too late. The men had run off.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Genma (looking like Ranma) didn't get far, however. Suddenly, Cologne  
leaped into his path, landing with perfect balance on the point of her  
stick.  
  
"Hoho, sonny boy. You've decided to go back on your promise now that  
you're cured, haven't you? I'm disappointed in you. But you're a  
hundred years too early to fool me. I've been keeping watch here on the  
nearest path out of the valley just in case. I let your father by, but  
you aren't going anywhere."  
  
"Wait, I..." Genma/Ranma said.  
  
"Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken!" Cologne's stick flew with incredible  
speed, dealing Genma/Ranma 100 blows in a second. There was no  
defending against it. In an instant he was rendered unconscious.  
  
"Too bad. I'd hoped to give Shampoo a better start in her married life  
by letting you two have time to get to know each other. Now, we'll do  
it the hard way, with a good old-fashioned Amazon shotgun wedding."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Genma/Ranma woke up on a mat in a darkened hut. Groggily he staggered  
to try the door. He rattled it, but it was locked.  
  
"No try to get out, groom," said a high-pitched, cute voice. It was not  
Shampoo's.  
  
"Right. We Lin-Lin and Ran-ran, your bridesmaids and guards," said another  
voice. "Wedding in one hour."  
  
"What am I going to do?" thought Genma. "I can't commit bigamy,  
enjoyable as that might be. I'd surely have to take a hot bath  
sometime, and then they'd kill me. But if I tell them who I really am  
they may hold me hostage to trap Ranma. Think, Saotome...". Suddenly  
he had an inspiration.  
  
"May I please have some hot water to freshen up before the wedding?" he  
asked them. "I'm sure Shampoo would rather have a bridegroom who wasn't  
all dusty from being beaten up on the road."  
  
"OK, you can have. But no tricks!" A few minutes later Lin-lin opened  
the door a little way and pushed in a bucket while Ran-ran stayed back  
to prevent him from rushing the door.  
  
"What they don't realize is that the water _is_ the trick," he thought.  
He listened carefully at each wall of the hut. It seemed unguarded at  
the back. With a single powerful kick he made a crack big enough to  
slip out as Ranma. Quickly he dumped the bucket on himself and shoved  
it back through into the hut.  
  
Lin-lin and Ran-ran, alerted by the noise, came rushing around the  
corner. They saw the older Saotome, apparently trying to break into the  
hut from outside. "You Ranma father! Great-grandmother of Shampoo warn  
us you may come to rescue son. We supposed to beat you up and throw you  
out of village!"  
  
"I'll go peacefully," he said. "You can't blame me for trying." He  
ran. No-one in the village tried to stop him.  



	3. Here's Ranma?

RanGen 1/2 Part 3  
  
By entering the waters of Nannichiwan at the same time, Ranma and Genma  
have given the vengeful spirits that control the curse an opportunity  
for further mischief. Now Ranma turns into Genma, and Genma into Ranma.  
Also Shampoo has received a boy form, and Mousse a cat form.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A young man was chasing an older man through the rain in the street  
of Nerima district, Tokyo.  
  
"You're unbelievable, pop!" yelled the older one. "You got me away  
from one marriage just to arrange another one for me?"  
  
"This is for the good of the Anything-Goes school of martial arts, son!"  
said the younger.  
  
They exchanged blows. A cuff from the younger landed, but the old  
man absorbed it without a flinch.  
  
"In this body I'm stronger than you. I'm going back to China. You can  
stay here and pretend to be me if you want, but I'm goin' back where  
they can take this old-man curse off, too!"  
  
He shouldn't have turned his back. The young man pulled up a stop  
sign with a mighty heave and pole-axed him with it.  
  
"Look at that juvenile delinquent attacking the poor old man." murmured  
the crowd.  
  
"Mind your own business, will you?" snarled the delinquent, lifting the  
heavy body unto his back (with considerable difficulty) and running off.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The Tendo family had gathered in the dining room. Mr. Soun Tendo was  
just explaining to his daughters that it had been arranged for one of  
them to marry a young man he had never met.  
  
"I want to decide for myself who I'll marry!" said Akane.  
  
"Wait and see, Akane," said Nabiki. "Maybe he'll be really cute."  
  
"Oh, I hope he's older than me," said Kasumi, "Young men are so...  
young."  
  
Just then there was a knock at the door. A young man in a loose-fitting gi  
came in, half carrying, half dragging an unconscious older man in tight-  
fitting Chinese clothing.  
  
"You must be Ranma!" said Soun, "How I've longed to meet you. But  
what happened to your father?"  
  
"My dear father was injured in a training accident along the way."  
said 'Ranma.'  
  
"Oh dear," said Kasumi, and ran for compresses. They laid 'Genma'  
down on a futon.  
  
"Ranma, these are my daughters," said Soun.  
  
"Delighted to meet you dear young ladies." said 'Ranma.'  
  
"My, what nice mature manners you have," said Kasumi.  
  
"Handsome, but a bit smarmy," thought Nabiki. "Nice to meet you, too."  
  
"Too polite. He reminds me of Kunou," thought Akane. "Hmmph!"  
  
"Father tells me that I'm to marry one of you," said 'Ranma.'  
  
"And you're going along with it?", snapped Akane. "No way. We don't do  
things that way anymore. I don't see why one of us couldn't inherit the  
dojo."  
  
"Martial arts is a traditional discipline. A dojo headed by a woman  
would be a laughingstock. You'd never get any students," said 'Ranma'.  
  
"Like we do now? Anyway, a woman can be just as much a martial artist  
as a man. Come on, fight a match with me and I'll show you."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Akane lunged, punched and kicked. 'Ranma' dodged every blow. She  
was getting angrier and angrier at the odious young man. (Can he be  
reading my moves?) she thought.  
  
"Come on, fight me!" she yelled.  
  
"I couldn't do that. The noble martial artist does not fight women  
unless necessary."  
  
"I'll make it necessary!" said Akane, going all out. Her next punch  
smashed into the wall where Ranma had been a moment before. Ranma,  
leaping up to get out of the way, jumped too hard and smashed his  
head through the ceiling. The fight was over.  
  
"Ahem, sorry about that. I've, uh, lost a lot of weight recently and  
misjudged my own strength," he said.  
  
"Uh-huh, good excuse," said Akane. She smiled and thought, "He's pretty  
good. But a really good martial artist would be in better touch with  
his body."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
In the living room, Soun was listening to the tale of the older man.  
Tears flowed from his eyes.  
  
"So that's how it is. The path of a martial artist is fraught with  
peril."  
  
Akane passed by the living room, and saw that Genma Saotome had revived.  
"Uncle Saotome is better," she called to Kasumi.  
  
"Yes, and Ranma is taking a shower now," said Kasumi. "He got a little  
hot and sweaty from your workout, not to mention the ceiling dust on  
his head."  
  
"I won't disturb him. I'll just wait for him to come out. I've thought  
of a few things to tell him about what I think of him."  
  
"That's nice," said Kasumi sweetly.  
  
Akane waited by the door of the bathroom. But the man who came out was  
not Ranma, but Genma! She dashed back down the hall and looked in the  
living room. Genma was still there! The other Genma was coming down the  
hall! She screamed.  
  
"Akane, what's wrong?"  
  
"T-there's two of him. It's a doppelganger or something! Uncle Saotome,  
are you twins?"  
  
"No," said the 'Genma' who had been talking with Soun. "That's the  
real Genma Saotome. I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
After the real Ranma had also taken a hot bath, Genma offered a  
condensed account of their misfortunes. When it came to the second  
curse, he said that "friendly local natives" had helped them to try to  
undo the first curse, but that the cure had backfired.  
  
"Now, when I'm drenched in cold water, I turn into Ranma. And he turns  
into me. Hot water changes us back to normal."  
  
"So, Ranma, your problem isn't that serious after all," said Soun with a  
smile. "It would have been a lot worse if you had been stuck with that  
girl curse. Now, pick one my daughters: Kasumi:19, Nabiki:17, Akane:16.  
She'll be your fiancee."  
  
"He wants Akane," said Kasumi.  
  
"Kasumi, definitely" said Nabiki.  
  
"Why me?" asked Kasumi.  
  
"You said you wanted a older man, didn't you? Well, Ranma's half old,  
so you're in luck!" said Nabiki.  
  
"What a wonderful idea!" said Soun, "Kasumi is the perfect wife for  
you, Ranma. She's so domestic, she already takes care of everything  
around here. She would be just the one to help you take care of the  
dojo."  
  
"I've always tried to be a good, dutiful daughter, but..." Kasumi  
trailed off.  
  
"Then it's all settled! Ranma is engaged to Kasumi!" said Genma.  
  
"Dad, no!", yelled Akane, "Nabiki was just joking! Say you were joking,  
Nabiki! Anyone but Kasumi! Don't do this to her!"  
  
"Are you volunteering instead?" asked Nabiki.  
  
"I didn't say _that_! I don't see why _any_ of us have to marry that  
weirdo!"  
  
"Give me a break!" said Ranma, "I didn't ask to marry any of you either,  
and I'm not gonna do it."  
  
"He's too young... and then sometimes too old..." said Kasumi to  
herself. "Does that really balance out?..."  
  
"Besides, I like women with more spirit! She's so 'nice', she lets you  
all walk all over her."  
  
"How dare you talk about my sister that way!" said Akane,  
lifting the table and clobbering Ranma over the head with it,  
knocking him senseless.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Later, Akane went to Kasumi's room.  
  
"Older sister, please fight this. Dad's wrong, just wrong. They can't  
make you..."  
  
"Akane, don't be so upset. I'm not so sure now that it's such a bad idea.  
He seems a little immature..."  
  
"A little!"  
  
"But underneath that uncouth way of his, I know he has a good heart.  
And sometimes he can be very polite."  
  
"That was his father pretending to be him."  
  
"Oh, yes. But father seems to really want this, and you know I promised  
mother before she died that I'd always be a good daughter and put the  
needs of the family first."  
  
"B-but isn't there already someone else in love with you?"  
  
"Don't be silly! There's no-one I'm aware of."  
  
"That _you're_ aware of..."  
  
"Well, it's not like I have much social life..."  
  
"OK, you've made me say it. What about Dr. Tofu?"  
  
"Oh, we're just friends. He's such a kidder, always doing silly things  
just to make people laugh. I don't think he's serious about anything..."  
  
"Ok, fine! Marry Ranma then!! I hope that makes you happy!" yelled  
Akane, storming out of the room.  
  
"Strange girl," mused Kasumi. "I'd almost think she was jealous..."  
  
Akane ran into the training yard, set up a straw practice dummy and  
started punching it hard. "Kasumi no baka! Dr. Tofu's crazy about you  
and you don't even know it. It's going to break his heart. But maybe,  
just maybe, that gives me a chance..."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ranma and Genma were preparing to bed down for the night on futons in  
the living room.  
  
"What were you thinking, pretending to be me?" said Ranma.  
  
"Simply getting you off to a good start with your new fiancee," Genma  
said.  
  
"By making me look like a total jerk. Pop, I tell you I don't wanna be  
engaged!" yelled Ranma.  
  
"Son, for the sake of the dojo, be a man and do your duty! How could I  
have brought up such a disobedient, rebellious boy! Ranma, your father  
has failed!" cried Genma.  
  
"Sheesh Pop, I wish you still turned into a panda so I could shut you up  
once in a while."  
  
"Look on the bright side, boy. You have a cute, womanly fiancee. What  
if you had been engaged to that uncute tomboy Akane instead?"  
  
"Well, if I had to make a choice -- which I don't! Kasumi is just too  
cute and too womanly for me. What a wimp! Even Shampoo had a tough  
streak behind that cute face."  
  
"Don't you mention that woman again! We're well rid of her. If you  
knew how close I came..." Genma shuddered.  
  
"Well, I did promise a month..." said Ranma.  
  
"We've been over that. You said _if_ we were _completely_ uncursed,  
and we weren't."  
  
"But it was our fault."  
  
"A minor quibble, my boy."  
  
-------------  
  
That's all for now. More parts will be forthcoming as I deal with the  
usual first day at school...  



	4. School is no Place for Dads Fooling Arou...

The next morning Kasumi asked, "Akane, would you be a dear and show  
Ranma the way to school? I'm really busy with housework this morning."  
  
"Do I have to?" said Akane.  
  
"You're closest to his age. At least, most of the time you are," said  
Kasumi.  
  
"Oh, all right," Akane said, not very cheerfully.  
  
As Ranma walked on top of the fence on the way to school, Akane said to  
him, "I can't get over your dad impersonating you. It's too weird...  
How can we tell you apart if he does it again?"  
  
"Easy. He's polite and I ain't. I'll be sure to call you names like  
'uncute' and 'tomboy.' The old man would never say that..."  
  
"I should hope not!"  
  
"...to your face," said Ranma, rushing ahead.  
  
"Why you, come back here, you jerk!" Akane wasn't really that angry.  
He was such a relief from the way his father had portrayed him that  
she found herself almost liking him.  
  
As Ranma rushed by a gate that opened onto the sidewalk, the little old  
lady who was always scooping water onto her path to settle the dust  
threw a scoop onto him. Instant Genma.  
  
"What now? They won't let me into school like this!"  
  
"Oh, come on. We'll get some hot water from Dr. Tofu. I have to break  
some bad news to him gently before he hears it from someone else. Wait  
out here for a second, OK?"  
  
Akane went in, "Hello, Dr. Tofu, are you here?"  
  
Dr. Tofu smiled broadly, "Good to see you, Akane. It's a little early  
in the day for an injury, isn't it?"  
  
"It's not that. I just needed to borrow a little hot water."  
  
"I have a tea-kettle going now. Wouldn't you rather have some tea?"  
  
"It's a long story, but I just need the water. And I have some news  
for you. Maybe you should sit down. My older sister has gotten  
engaged."  
  
"Oh, that's nice."  
  
"It doesn't bother you?"  
  
"Why should it? Please give Nabiki my congratulations."  
  
"Uhmm, actually... it's Kasumi."  
  
"K-Kasumi?!!" Dr. Tofu's glasses fogged, but something was different  
this time. Instead of a happy daze there was an expression of rage.  
His eyes focussed on the skeleton hanging at the side of the room.  
  
"How dare you listen in on our private conversation, Betty! You need to  
be taught a lesson!" He began to attack the bones, breaking them apart.  
  
"Please don't take it so hard, Dr. Tofu! You have friends to stand  
by you!" Akane pleaded.  
  
Finally, Dr, Tofu seemed to calm down. "Here's your hot water, Akane.  
Please come by any time." If was as if he had forgotten what she had  
said about Kasumi. She didn't want to set him off by mentioning it  
again, so she hurried out with the kettle and poured hot water on  
Ranma/Genma.  
  
"What was that crashing noise all about?" asked Ranma as they continued  
towards Furinkan High School.  
  
"Dr. Tofu took the bad news harder that I hoped he would," said Akane,  
blinking back tears.  
  
"You really care about him, don't you?"  
  
"Yes. Ever since I can remember he was the one to take care of me when  
I was injured, and he's a great martial artist." She sighed.  
  
"I thought you hated guys."  
  
As they approached the gates of the school, a crowd of high-school boys  
dressed in every kind of sports equipment rushed towards them.  
  
"Right! I hate guys! I hate guys! I hate guys!" Akane chanted. She  
tossed her book bag to Ranma and charged, fighting off the boys, throwing  
them right and left. Finally, one remaining older student with a bokken  
spouted off a poem and threw her a red rose.  
  
"Kunou," she groaned to Ranma.  
  
"What's the deal with all this fighting, Akane?" asked Ranma.  
  
"No time to explain, just stay out of the way."  
  
"Aren't you being a bit familiar with my Akane?" said Kunou dangerously.  
"No one is permitted such intimacy without defeating her in combat first,  
as I, Tatewake Kunou, the Blue Thunder of Funrinken High, have decreed.  
And what I decree, I enforce!"  
  
"And I'm Ranma Saotome of the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts. I  
accept your challenge!"  
  
As the leaping, slashing fight started, rain began to fall. Suddenly,  
another copy of Ranma rushed in, leaping up into the fray. To Kunou, it  
seemed he was suddenly being kicked by both Ranma and an old man. He  
fell to the ground unconscious. Akane, Ranma/Genma, and Genma/Ranma  
rushed inside.  
  
------------------  
  
Akane and Ranma arrived late for class.  
  
"You'll have to stand out in the hall with buckets of water for  
punishment," said the teacher. "But first, Mr. Saotome, do you know who  
that man was who joined in your fight?"  
  
"Yeah, that was my pop. He sometimes gets overprotective. I was  
doin' just fine without him."  
  
"We don't approve of parents coming into school grounds to intervene  
in student quarrels like that. Please tell him we said so."  
  
"Yeah, ok."  
  
Ranma and Akane were standing in the hall with buckets of water.  
Akane had just finished explaining why she had to fight off the  
boys every day when the furious Kunou appeared in the hall.  
  
"Saotome, you had your father standing by to help you in the fight!  
Such an act of cowardice must not go unpunished, fiancee of Akane's  
older sister Kasumi or not!" yelled Kunou.  
  
A chorus of students pushed out into the hall, yelling, "Ranma's engaged  
to Kasumi? He goes for older women -- what a weirdo!" and so on, with  
Ranma and Akane both protesting that the engagement was not by choice.  
  
"So, villain, do you fear a fair fight?" demanded Kunou.  
  
Ranma glanced out the window. The rain had stopped -- good.  
  
"No, if you want a rematch I'm up for it. Follow me." he launched  
himself out and Kunou followed.  
  
"Ranma, you fool! This is the third floor, and the swimming pool  
is right below!" yelled Akane, too late.  
  
...  
  
Kunou stalked through the school grounds, dripping wet. "I'm sure that  
was Ranma's father once again in that pool. He should not protect his  
cowardly son so. Does he not know that a coward dies a thousand deaths,  
and brave men die but once? He must let Ranma face me in fair combat  
and die but once as is fitting."  
  
Shampoo leaped into a tree near the high school. Her airen was supposed  
to be here somewhere. He hadn't been that hard to track down. In  
matters of honor such as the kiss of death a warrior had to avenge herself  
alone, but finding a straying husband was a different matter. Her great-  
grandmother had helped her. Also, they knew his name: Ranma Saotome. She  
longed to hold him and kiss him again. Suddenly, she heard his name being  
called out!  
  
"Ranma Saotome, where are you, coward? Face me and die!" shouted Kunou.  
  
Shampoo gracefully leaped out of the tree, landing on his head and flipping  
in a back somersault to land lightly on her feet.  
  
"You want kill Ranma, must fight Shampoo!" she announced.  
  
"You wish to fight me, lovely one? Very well. If you defeat me I,  
Tatewake Kunou, will permit you to date with me."  
  
"Even if win, no can date Shampoo. Shampoo belong Ranma!"  
  
"He has enchanted you most foully! But allow me to win your heart with  
a demonstration of my prowess in battle."  
  
Kunou advanced and swung his bokken. But the warrior woman leaped high  
into the air, springboarded off his bokken to drive him off-balance, and  
finished with a smashing blow of her bonburi, knocking him flat.  
  
"Guess what, Kunou. Ranma Saotome even better than Shampoo!" she said,  
walking off disdainfully.  
  
"Chinese-accent girl, one day you will be mine," sighed Kunou, losing  
consciousness.  



	5. Lost Boy and Lost Husband

The next day, Kunou was keeping watch from the top of the school for  
Shampoo.  
  
"Whither the tree-borne, mace wielding, Chinese-accent girl?" he  
wondered.  
  
When Shampoo showed up looking for Ranma, Kunou gave chase, demanding a  
date. She clobbered him again, but while this was going on Ranma got  
into school unseen by either.  
  
For the next several days the pattern would continue.  
  
---  
  
A young man burst into the town meeting hall of a country village near  
Tsuyama, Japan.  
  
"Where is Furinkan High School?" he demanded.  
  
"Howdy again, Ryouga," said one of the villagers. "Back for a visit?"  
  
Ryouga sighed loudly. "I tried to follow your directions and I got lost  
again."  
  
"Just head south till you get to the main road, turn left, and you'll  
be on the road to Tokey-o," said the local man.  
  
"Got it," said Ryouga. "Head north till I get to a side road, turn right,  
and that'll get me to Tokyo." He rushed out again before they could  
correct him.  
  
"I got a feelin' he'll be back," said another villager.  
  
---  
  
Genma knocked at the door of Dr. Tofu's Acupuncture and Moxibustion Clinic.  
  
"Good afternoon, what can I do for you?" said Dr. Tofu.  
  
"Good afternoon," said Genma. "I'm Genma Saotome. I saw your  
advertisement for an office assistant. Good pay, light work. Sweeping  
up, answering the telephone, that sort of thing. It seemed like just  
the thing for me."  
  
"Yes, I do need an assistant. Do you have any references?"  
  
"Well, I've been traveling around a lot, training my son in martial  
arts... But I do know someone who could vouch for me. I'm a friend of  
Soun Tendo."  
  
"Oh yes, that's excellent. I know the family well," said Dr. Tofu.  
"How do you know him?"  
  
"He and I are fellow students in the Anything Goes School of Martial  
Arts. My son Ranma is engaged to his daughter, Kasumi."  
  
"K-Kasumi?" Dr. Tofu's glasses fogged and his expression turned ugly.  
"What do you mean by reporting for work so late, Mr. Saotome?"  
  
"Huh? I haven't even started yet!" said Genma.  
  
"That's right, and it's 2:30 in the afternoon! It's disgraceful!  
You're fired!" said Dr. Tofu.  
  
"What? You're crazy!" said Genma, backing away.  
  
"No insubordination!" snapped Tofu. "I'll have to teach you a lesson."  
  
Tofu struck like lightening, hitting a pressure point on Genma's chest  
which temporarily locked his muscles. Then he booted Genma down the  
street and went back into his office, slamming the door behind him.  
  
When Genma recovered he limped back to the Tendo's. "Maybe this  
job-hunting business isn't worth it. There are other ways I could amuse  
myself..."  
  
----  
  
After days of wandering Ryouga finally showed up at Furinkan High and  
confronted Ranma.  
  
"You coward, you ran out on our fight!" Ryouga shouted.  
  
"Hey, I waited three days for you," said Ranma.  
  
"And when I got there on the fourth day you were gone. I've gone  
through such horrors through following you that I must have my revenge,"  
said Ryouga. "Prepare to die!"  
  
Unfortunately Ryouga's charge carried him past Ranma and with his  
poor sense of direction he got lost again.  
  
"He'll show up again in a few days," Ranma told Akane. "Once he's  
wandered all over Japan again."  
  
----  
  
Ranma burst into the house and confronted Genma.  
  
"Hey Pop, something just happened to me and I think I know why."  
  
"What are you talking about, Ranma?"  
  
"This girl I've never seen before came up to me on the street and asked  
why I never call her anymore after all we've been to each other. I told  
her I didn't know what she was talkin' about and then she pulls out one  
of those big mallets that chicks can get out of nowhere and whacks me  
with it."  
  
"Probably a case of mistaken identity," said Genma.  
  
"You got that right, and I know who. Someone who can look exactly like  
me," said Ranma. "You!"  
  
"How can you accuse your own father so? Even if I did, you surely  
wouldn't begrudge a man for trying to recapture the pleasures of his  
youth?" said Genma.  
  
"I do if you use my face and my reputation!" said Ranma.  
  
"It will only increase your reputation for manliness, my son. And you  
will need that if you should ever run into your mother."  
  
"Whadda you mean?"  
  
"I promised your mother Nodoka I would bring you up as a man among men.  
That is the only way she would permit me to take you on a training  
journey."  
  
"I don't remember much about her," said Ranma.  
  
"We left on your training journey when you were only five. She's a  
formidable woman," said Genma. "She made us both sign a promise to  
commit seppuku if I failed to make you a man in every way. I think we  
should continue to avoid her so that she doesn't find out about the girl  
episode."  
  
"I ain't a girl no more, so that shouldn't matter," said Ranma. "I  
think the real reason is you'd rather be free to chase women."  
  
"That's a consideration, of course," said Genma.  
  
Ranma, gave his father a hard punch in the stomach and rushed out of the  
house. He jumped onto the roof to get over his rage and try to think.  
  
There had to be some way he could get his father back with his mother  
and put the brakes on the philandering done with his face. At last  
he had an idea...  
  
(To be continued)  
  
  
  



End file.
